Thursday, April 19, 2007
si vis pacem, parabellum,reality & Pain
Any words at this moment,will be short or minimal to convey the emotions,feelings and understanding of the tragedy that took place, last Monday morning,April 16th in Virginia.
For sure,one should never condone Violence,or infuse Death upon one another,if we are to reason,as "homo sapiens".
Therefore,let us think,and look into our souls,as sages throughout times and times,have evoked and the answers will surface with clarity.
No point to come up with lies and point fingers.
But I cannot be silent and must not be silent at this moment.
I feel on my skin,the pain from all sides.
I am a mother,an artist and I have enough experience to have a say.
The young man that lost his mind,
the ones that lost their lives,and the world all around us,bleeding to Death.
And I on my own,battling for my existence,in America,since 1976.
I came here,a successful individual, full of energy and talent,with integrity and willpower,only to realize how the flaunted values ,are so discrepant and enmeshed in lies.
I too, was bullied,intimidated,and sidelined.
Still screaming with hope to vindicate and retrieve my sole rights to perform and survive upon the means and ways that I was able ,until I landed here.
I too,was brought to moments of great despair,but never would retaliate on anyone, if not only steadfastly reach out,albeit with little response.
So far,I am facing Hell for so many years,and still,my soul,despite in tears,I am able to dream and believe that there is a blue horizon and that at any moment,my truth will speak out loud and clear,that someone,somewhere over the rainbow.,will respond to my appeals.
Today ,I asked my younger son ,how he felt about what happened few days ago.
I was astonished to hear Jacob's words.
He resonated my vision.
Indifference to the real facts expose the causes,
as in a German motto "For every why ,there is a reason,or vice versa",so it goes more or less.... (Eine warum....
I was taught by my parents,Holocaust survivors,who suffered so much,and witnessed the worst,that Anger will never serve any purpose .Most important,they instilled in me a sense of human values,to take a stand for Injustice,to have a sense of Conscience,and to never have Fear.
I was never taught to exchange my feelings for Money or Power.
Freedom we achieve,when we are "bien dans ma peau",which translates to be at peace with my soul.
It takes a lot of endurance to face Life,because Life is a constant battle with Death.
And when you die,you are done as I heard a song,listening to the radio,few nights ago,on WBGO 88.3 FM
And I know that Pain.
There are moments that one wants to die,because it hurts so bad.
But I want to live,I always was a happy soul,so I am here to share my thoughts and bring a moment of Peace.
I am too in so much distress,living in an absurd situation.
With all my know -how,I am facing the fact,in the event ,that a miracle does not happen ASAP, that I may land in the street,homeless, with no food and my dignity destroyed.
So,I can understand what crosses through in the minds of others,who may be facing parallel fate and wondering how to cope.
One ,either turns into a bottled explosive,gives up or surrenders
or keeps fighting back.
That you have to play the game,here.
What game? I am always asking.
And now,at last,the end of the game is here.
No more tricks.
Maybe we should learn to be truthful and have a heart.
The goodies do not buy happiness.
We all are in the same planet,sharing the same skies,air and water.
And we all are here for a" limited engagement".
And as my mother would always remind me:
Life is not a rehearsal.
She was an Auschwitz survivor.
What better school could I have attended?
LIFE IS NOT A REHEARSAL.