Monday, November 12, 2007

Happiness is one of the things that money just can’t buy.

How interesting.
I just finished writing a message to my son Stefan,about what we need in Life.Despite my tremendous struggle in many ways,as a woman,mother,wife and artist and after all a human on this Earth,I tried to convey to him that spiritually I am content and at peace with myself.
And all that counts for me is my home,my family.As an artist,I am so happy to possess that creative vision,which takes me to another world,full of colours,and fantasy which no money in the world can buy.,when I read in the NYTimes this:
The framers of the Declaration of Independence evidently believed that happiness could be achieved, putting its pursuit up there alongside the unalienable rights to life and liberty.
The era of laissez-faire happiness might be coming to an end.(I disagree.)
Happier people have lower blood pressure and get fewer colds. But using it to guide policy could be tricky. Not least because we don’t quite understand why it behaves the way it does.
Most disconcerting, happiness seems to have little relation to economic achievement, which we have historically understood as the driver of well-being.( Another idiosyncrasy typical of North America)
Non monetary rewards — like more vacations, or more time with friends or family — are likely to produce more lasting changes in satisfaction.

So I must declare that despite my existential hardship I am a happy person.And I always remember how I was, since a little girl in Sydney,Australia,when I was in kindergarden painting.

Answering my son Stefan:
A marriage is a combination of two people that care for each other.
Mark never cared for me and in consequence never cared for our family.
It was me always putting band aids and trying to make believe that he would change.
I only wanted him to be my companion and together go through life on a constructive path.
This never happened and he does not change at all his ways.Maybe someday,maybe Sunday,maybe in Gershwin' song.
So,I am the one to be blamed for not being able to remove myself.
It is a very traumatic situation for me,because I had hoped all along that somehow,someday he would be that gentle and loving man.

To be fighting forever for a cup of water and a piece of bread is the most humiliating act.

Also I was brought up with certain principles of integrity and conduct which I agree with.

A home is a sacred place
a family
a relationship

I had in mind a stable and comfortable atmosphere to which I was dedicating myself only to find myself all the time betrayed.
About my life in my hands,
there are two issues here.
One is my spiritual one and my character which I have in my hands.
I never allowed anyone inside my relationship with your father or went behind his back in any way or manner.
I was always there trying to protect and stand by,only to be punished very deeply.
I landed in jail,my name is in the sewer,my body is damaged and I am in constant tears.
I also set my family ahead of my priorities.
Yes I do expect some feedback,Why not? Wouldn't you?
I am not a mule,or a punching bag.
Even so,you must admit Stefan,that your job now,is a consequence of my connections.
But you do not admit that.
I had a discussion with your father as I was wondering from here the roots of some of his derogatory attitude:
calling me a Brazilian,implied an awful stereotype that North Americans made to downgrade Latin women.
I was not aware myself,until one day Paulo and Antonio brought that up to me.
They said: Marguerita,do not allow Mark to introduce you as a instantly Americans see you in a bad light.
This problem I faced immediately when I arrived in 1976,here in the US,and therefore my professional life got so muddied up.
The dude at the NYTimes assumed that I was there for grabs because I was from Brazil.
It is an awful misunderstanding.
Women in Brazil were brought up in a certain way,which has historical reasons since the 1500.
I was never a Brazilian.
My parents were Europeans and I did not behave like Brazilian women either, which was a problem for me too.
Had I been one,I would be better off in fact.
When I mentioned this to your father,he answered that I was correct.
His family for not having any sophistication or culture assumed that I went for him for a greencard.
When in fact I come with one ,my achievement for having an international recognition as an outstanding artist.
I hope you remember how years ago,you wrote an essay with derogatory information about my father.
I never understood how you could have arrived to such a thinking.
My parents lost all their assets ,their families and their country Stefan,but they had class and suffered tremendously for what happened to them,which was beyond their control,which was called the Holocaust.
Even so,they imbued in me social consciousness, a strong sense of self esteem and a love for life and beauty.
Americans do not understand that.
Even Jewish Americans.
There is a great wall there.
And it began to fall down on 9/11,finally.
But you are young and someday as you learn more about life,history,geography and simple observation you may realize what my words mean.
In the meantime, my Fate is tied up to my background also.
Little do you know about my life.
You have heard snippets and you have only seen me in a tremendous struggle,not understanding at all what is happening to me.
How can you envisage what I have felt all these years,when all this bad things were happening and you were hearing only negative and vicious remarks about me?
I myself have these memories crossing my mind all the time?
When there is a moment of fun an peace at home I am the happiest creature in the world,only to find myself in the next moments with a knife on my back!
And that is the problem.
My desired illusion of love and tenderness is over when I satisfy the immediate needs of everyone,I am trashed in a second by you all.
In the meantime,my career is up in the air,I am financially strapped,my health in shambles and nobody there showing any consideration.
I cannot count on anyone.
Only on the good people that surface from the woods,every now and then,to whom I am thankful.
This is just cruel.
So I understand very well my predicament.
I am in the wrong environment,with the wrong people.
Because I do not use people.
And do not play games.
So much for sincerity.
I do not need drugs or alcohol.
I am a happy person.
I only want love,peace and harmony
and as the Latins said
Panem et Circenses

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