Saturday, October 6, 2007

Raison d'Etre Redux

drawing by marguerita
Study for a Foreplay:The Dinosaurus Dyslex
The strategy of withholding and foreshadowing.
M and M come from radically different backgrounds.
HUSBAND (dialogue)
But really I am having a hard time talking with you. Your way of dealing with me (and I accept that I am equally as guilty how I am treating you) is constant criticism. The conversation when we do talk is limited --you mostly talk about the persecution of you by others and overly obsessive about getting work. The few fun times are when we play but that is happening less. And my hesitancy is predicated on how you turn information against me when you are in anger mode. We both have a lot to work on, really.
Syd suggested we each write three things we like about each other. Let me know when you have written yours and we will then exchange the list.
Your talent is never questioned, you are truly a great artist, in part I married you for that attraction.


In fact you should notice that I do not like at all to play games,gambling and similar stuff.
I liked always swimming and ping pong.
And sorry I beat you at that,although I myself am quite rusty for not having the chance to play ping pong for years.
Apparently you answered Syd's two things:
ONE- My talent,a truly great artist.But marrying me for that? Sounds a little
On that one,you got the better part of the deal.
TWO -I am your subservient attendant,whether in a stormy or sunny
weather,living in a roller-coaster of sorts, that no devil could engineer.
THIRD: eh?

What the hell are you talking about persecution?
Life is full of mysterious happenings and on the end all ties in in some
My life somehow is in fact a very serendipitiously one.
And I am a happy soul.
I can feel so much and live word by word through IF,by Kipling.
Last Thursday,I was invited to a gallery opening on 24th Street.(by the way,you never told me that you were at a party nearby)
The first person I encounter,was the woman we met at the Cuban place,weeks ago,when you were massaging my feet....
Then as I am talking to someone else,I notice this woman staring at me.It was Berenice who was a poor mouse,that worked with me as a saleswoman at Deschamps, a French linen store on Madison Avenue.
She was running after RICH Men until she got one. He was there.
He is a Count,of the Italian nobility. laH!!!!!!
She is married for
many years and lives in utter luxury.
Her homes are in every magazine you want to see and not see.
A friend of hers was talking to me too and I told her that we knew each
other,and she said :PHSHISHHHHHH.
She does not like to remind herself where she comes from......
And then ,when I look strait across the room,another woman is staring at me.
Bessia!!!!!!!! my adorable ULTRA bitchy classfriend from high school days.
Oh yeah!
She comes around and gives me a bitter hug,yelling to all around: How come I am running into all my old friends from Brazil,lately????????
3- I try to understand you,because after so many years,you are exactly the same.
You are NEVER THERE FOR ME,or CARE about ME.
You do INDEED,expect me to be giving and giving and giving and as Josef laments:

NOTHING EVER CHANGES here. It is the SAME OLD SHIT,all over again.S.O.S.
You are DRINKING and GETTING DOPED ,non stop.
Imagine only if you had to sleep every night next to someone like that? eh?
Come into a house and every is in a mess,dirty,smelly..........
Someone acting with ingratitude and indifference,of course, therefore my criticism.
I cannot be your mother,therapist,bailing out agent.
Maybe I need a companion,someone to share life,not constant misery.
I am no Billy Graham,oops .Hope not. These days eh?
And our sons need a mother and father.
I cannot be dealing with lies and lies and lies.
Life,my dear is very transparent .
If and when we are truthful we find harmony and peace.
We can as a couple,neighbors,and terrestrians find the nirvana we all talk about.
Alcohol and drug addiction impairs insight and judgment.
And, I am obssessive about getting work,because YOU DO NOT PROVIDE ME.
And, I GREW UP working.For me,my art is a pleasure that cuts both ways,rather many ways.
I was born with a talent.And I have a pleasure when my artwork makes people happy,or makes them laugh.
Through my art,my identity, my financial independence, feedback and inspiration.
And I worked towards a goal.And I achieved success only to be setback.
I want to continue on my path.
That is all.
Why shouldn't I be who I am?
Why am I silenced?
I always considered my art to be my passport.
When I can create ,I feel like a bird flying.
I go places, I am spiritually out of everything.
It feels like an ORGASM.
And I like orgasms.
I have no healthcare, I am in constant state of stress about ROOF and FOOD.
Josef is upset for the same reasons and blames ME. as Syd,used to be years ago.
The many fights I had with you,were not about fur coats and goodies or diamonds.
By the way,diamonds ARE a girl best friend.
It was all about having a HOME,food and the BASIC we need for SURVIVAL.
To have a home,done my way,like birds make a nest and cook at home.
Oh! what a sin!
Instead I got called every name and more that exists in the dictionary,for having tried with all my heart to make that little dream come true, besides getting badly hurt along the way.
And finally,you admit,that you have been mistreating me.
And by the way,where are you now????????????????


If you like quality bedding, nice prints and square and/or rectangular pillow cases, also matching towels and bathrobes, just take a stroll in Rue de la Liberté where you will find Carré Blanc (best quality/design value), Deschamps (now having a 30% off sale as they are leaving Nice) and Olivier Desforges.


Traditionally, "foreplay" was considered to be something that a man had to do to get his partner ready for sexual intercourse. Today, foreplay has become an integral part of the whole lovemaking experience. It is true that impromptu sexual encounters without foreplay can sometimes be some of the best sexual experiences, but in general, most women will agree that good sexual encounters should include long and sensual foreplay. A more vigilant form of foreplay will bring increased pleasure to both partners, and make the whole lovemaking experience more enjoyable.

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